The Infuriating

In case you weren't with us, the crack team here at FUN IS AWESOME first broke the story on Friday that the Balloon Boy, Falcon Heene, was the focal point of a conspiracy to draw the prayers of many millions of us the world over. And, of course, page views on Youtube. And possibly a reality show. (Furious typewriter sounds! Ding!) The Larimer County Sheriff's office claims it now has hard evidence that this was, in FACT, a hoax perpetrated by the young man's father. His name is Nutbag McRuinousDad. His name has been changed, albeit slightly, to protect hi-oh who cares. You know they're considering jail-time and protective custody for the kids? I think this family deserves the vitriol of the masses, sin duda, but things get very, very serious when you talk about removing a child from their home and parents.

But we won't be doing that here, so whatever. Apparently, the authorities will use a crane to crush a fly if that fly makes them look gullable and/or silly.

One time in college, my buddies and I duct-taped a passed-out friend to a chair, put him in the elevator, and pushed all the buttons. Dying laughing all the time. We stumbled down the seven flights of Washington Tower at UMass-Amherst, waiting for him to appear, slurring and laughing a few minutes later, but when his elevator reached the ground floor, it was empty. We were pretty shocked. But then we really got to thinking...I get it, Drunky McPassemOuts might have met up with different friends, or-holy crap-a girl, or group of girls. But where, pray tell, was the chair?

The next day we saw him, and eyes lowered, he offered nothing about his whereabouts or his savior. Months later, we'd find that these lovely girls from the 'milk and cookies' floor (number 22 if memory serves, which it probably doesn't) undid his binding and he just said thanks and hoofed 22 flights and another couple of miles or so to his dorm. We were soon reunited with our chair, and all was right with the world.

I tell this story not because I wish to speculate on consequences, but because it was funny. This is the only reason why you pull a prank. These people? These people are idiots.